Why you even got to do a thing, Popsicle?

For the first official Vegetable Television review, we're going to be talking about the "Wild Bunch!" brand novelty frozen treats. As I went to the grocery store to get the various food items that I need to survive for the next two weeks or so, I was immediately drawn in by thoughts of overwhelming deliciousity.

For the unaware, I really do love popsicles. Especially the Orange kind. These, however, were little mini popsicles in unique flavors. "Red Hot Cinnamon", "Icy Mint", "Cotton Candy Chaos", and "Sour Blue Raspberry". Despite the fear that I would be unable to handle the power of Cotton Candy Chaos descending upon my kitchen, I quickly made a mental note to snap them up once I was finished with my non-frozen shopping. The idea of a mint flavored popsicle intrigued me and promised being very tasty.


So now, I'm taking them home and will be reviewing the "Wild Bunch!" here on Vegetable Television.

In my excitement, I immediately tore the box open and held unlabled popsicles up to the light so I could find the white one. I was expecting the frozen version of a peppermint life saver.

After all, mint has been a standard additve to ice cream since they started freezing cows. It's only fair that those of us who avoid the stuff should have a chance to enjoy mint with our frozen dessert of choice.

Horrid. Absolutely horrid. Imagine a whole bunch of doublemint gum, gobs of sugar, and subtle hints of coconut. This is not a good popsicle. This isn't a good anything, except if you like making the baby jesus cry. It was a disappoint-mint. If by "disappoint" you mean "offend the basic humanity of anything sentient."

On a scale of one to ten, "Icy Mint" rates up as "offensive to God himself"


Fortunately there were three flavors left, giving the box of popsicles a fair chance to redeem itself. Through my advanced selection methods, the next flavor up was "Red Hot Cinnamon".


Evidently the people at Popsicle decided to hang out with the people from Wrigleys, because what you had in this little gem was a popsicle that tasted just like Big Red gum.

Exactly like Big Red gum.

That's not a joke - it's the exact flavor. You will put this thing in your mouth and spend the next minute or so in dumbfounded comprehension of this fact.

I'm really just too confused to talk about "Red Hot Cinnamon" anymore.





Cotton Candy is really a strange flavor. Reasonably recent in the pantheon of acceptability, there is really nothing that tastes more artificial and disturbing. Which is not to say that it's a bad flavor - just that you bite into something "cotton candy" flavored and you know you're eating something nature didn't intend.

Actual cotton candy is pretty tasty, for about two bites or so. The fresher and more "cotton-y" it is, the better. The point is, artificial cotton candy flavoring tastes nothing like actual cotton candy.

It's a taste that scares you, even when you enjoy it.

Cotton Candy popsicles are a strange thing. They taste quite similar to Licky Charms marshmellows. This taste is something that can be pretty good, on a small piece of candy or marshmellow.

But here, you have a whole half-sized popsicle tasting this way. Exactly this way. They've reproduced the flavor perfectly.

Again, just like the cinnamon popsicle, faithful reproduction is not always a good thing. They've managed to take the concept of cotton candy and make it as un-natural as possible.

This popsicle made me feel bad for eating it, like it was going to give me cancer.


Sour Blue Raspberry - this was the box's last and best chance at making itself somehow worthwhile.

For any of you younger types, or older folks that didn't pay attention, it wasn't until the early 90's that "blue" became a fashionable color/flavor to eat and drink. Sure, it had happened before in very limited scope, but sometime in the early 90's - BLUE was the hot new flavor.

Blue was suddenly better than RED, which had traditionally been the best flavor/color.

In a box of frozen failure, it was intresting to see if they could manage to screw up blue, too.


And honestly, I have to say - this was a pretty good popsicle. Tart, firm raspberry taste with a real "dry" feel about the whole thing. A refined popsicle. Tastes like it could be vaguely alcoholic.

Really, it's a popsicle for adult tastes, if there ever was such a thing. This is a really good, really well constructed ice treat. And the blue color is a deep royal blue, rather than some bold light blue or glowing electric blue - a more subdued blue.


Honestly? Sour Blue Raspberry is a great popsicle. Too damn bad nobody is ever going to eat it, because you have to buy the box of "Wild Bunch!" to get your hands on it. And really, it's a good popsicle. I'd recommend it to anyone as being good.

But, it will be buried and lost with the sands of time, because it has been stuck in a box with three of the most horrendous and terrible Popsicle flavors known to man.

There's so many layers of tragedy in this "Wild Bunch!" box. It's like some kind of greek tragedy, really.